I just want to be happy…
Photo by Sylvester Sabo on Unsplash
"I just want to be happy”, a phrase and a plea that has likely been uttered throughout human history. One might surmise that with all of our modern progress today - medical advancements, new technologies, and public health advancements - that our happiness would increase in proportion. But somehow, in our modern world, humans find themselves less happy, more stressed and unfulfilled. The things that are supposed to make our lives better, more efficient and more comfortable are the same things that cause us distress and detract from our sense of peace and wellbeing.
I suspect each of us has lamented "I just want to be happy" countless times in our lives and wondered how we might somehow reach this elusive state. What if I told you that happiness can be accessed by each and every one of us? There is a catch, though. One of the most baffling paradoxes of happiness is that the more directly we pursue happiness, the more unhappy we become. So how do we navigate this perplexing conundrum and ultimately reach greater levels of happiness and wellbeing? How do we extend the occasional and fleeting moment of happiness into something more constant and enduring?
To start, we commit to beginning an imperfect pursuit of happiness, and while we intentionally pursue our happiness, we do so via indirect means. Our pursuit must allow us to tap into the areas of our lives that generate an individual sense of purpose, fulfillment and wellbeing. Rather than what we typically think of as the things that generate happiness - more money, status or material gain, we instead cultivate happiness through the development of our own personal wholebeing. Wholebeing is different for each of us though, so how do we know what will generate the outcome that we seek?
Thankfully, there is a model that can help us build our unique happiness along the way. It's called SPIRE. And not unlike an actual spire, using the SPIRE framework allows us to enter an upward spiral, evolving higher and higher toward our own peak, our own personal spire. SPIRE stands for Spiritual wellbeing, Physical wellbeing, Intellectual wellbeing, Relational wellbeing and Emotional wellbeing. And SPIRE is the key that allows us to unlock greater levels of happiness in our lives.
Through the "S" in SPIRE - we explore things that bring our lives meaning and purpose, or spiritual wellbeing. The "P" in SPIRE refers to physical practices that generate wellbeing like movement, eating well, prioritizing sleep and recovery from stress. The "I" challenges us to never give up on learning and being curious, fostering our intellectual wellbeing. "R" is for relational - practices that deepen our relationships with ourselves, and our family and friends. Finally, "E", or emotional wellbeing, does not necessarily mean that we're never sad, or disappointed, or angry. Instead, pursuing greater happiness means that we work toward accepting our many emotions and give ourselves the permission to be human, experiencing a wide range of normal and healthy emotions in response to life's ups and downs.
We're all unique and what works for one, simply works for one! To find what works for you though, in Happiness Studies, we engage in what is called "me-search". Me-search is our individual happiness quest. It's the journey we undergo to put the scientific evidence of Happiness Studies into personalized action (Ben-Shahar, 2007). It's the practices and new mindsets that set us up to achieve our unique spire. For instances, for the "S" in SPIRE, spiritual practices abound - some may find connection with their purpose and other beings through religious ceremonies, while others find it in nature. Me-search allows us to "try practices on for size", deciding whether it fits and then choosing how we can best integrate the practice into our life. Some key areas of me-search include mindfulness practices, eating, movement and sleep, as well as deep learning. We consider how openness and curiosity, as well as kindness and love help us to cultivate our own happiness and the happiness of those around us.
The beauty of the field of Happiness Studies is that many practices do not require massive investments of time. Rather, we engage in what's referred to as MVIs, or Minimum Viable Interventions (Ben-Shahar, 2023.). MVIs represent the minimum dose required for efficacy. The tiniest "dose" that works. Ten minutes of mindfulness, for instance, offers documented benefit (Palmer et al., 2023), as does 7 minutes of High Intensity Interval exercise training (Karlsen et al., 2017). We do not have to flip our lives completely upside down in order to grow toward greater happiness. We simply start, forging an imperfect path toward greater self knowledge and understanding that starts to shift our minds into growth mode. All our lives, the human brain is capable of growing and changing, solidifying new pathways that support the future behaviors that serve us well. As we change our lifestyle, our biology changes and our genes respond in kind to the healthy environment we're cultivating, flipping the genetic switch toward greater health and wellbeing (Doidge, 2007).
Happiness practitioners embrace "the genius of the AND" (Collins & Porras, 2002). We can feel joy AND we can honor challenging emotions. We can practice formal mindfulness AND we can practice informal mindfulness. We can pursue happiness AND we can accept that we may not always feel happy. A more fulfilling existence for humankind exists in the art AND the science of Happiness Studies.
References:
Ben-Shahar, T. (2007). Happier: Learn the secrets to daily joy and lasting fulfillment. McGraw Hill.
Ben-Shahar, T. (2023). Small Change Big Difference: Minimum Viable Interventions for a Happier and Healthier Life. Happiness Studies Academy.
Collins, J.C. & Porrus, J. I. (2002). Built to last: Successful habits of visionary companies. HarperBusiness..
Doidge, N. (2007). The brain that changes itself: Stories of personal triumph from the frontiers of brain science. Viking.
Karlsen et al. (2017). High intensity interval training for maximizing health outcomes. Progress in cardiovascular diseases 60(1). www.http://doi.org/10-1016/jpcad.2017.03.006
Palmer et al. (2023). The effect of ten versus twenty minutes of mindfulness meditation on state mindfulness and affect. Sci Rep 13, 20646. www.http://doi.10.1038/s41598-023-46578-y.